First day at school,

first day in high school.

Heading to the hospital to give birth (twice).

Starting a new job,

attending an interview.

Now middle-aged, few things in life evoke that gut fear, the fear that makes you feel sick in the stomach and when life becomes very real somehow.

More real than normal.

My flaws, my strengths, my contradictions and ambitions.

Feeling fragile and vulnerable and four again. The unknown.

Do I know what I think I know?

Countdown to my transfer viva at BU.

Defend position but not defensive.

Meditate and believe.